From the mind of X: Cinco de Mayo Edition

The following message is riddled with jokes. If you choose to take it personal, I'm sorry for you being so uptight. If you are offended then what I said is probably true. I won't apologize for anything that I have said or may say in the future. I'm a equal opportunity hater.

Its Cinco de Mayo and I don't care. It's just another day running in this rat race called American life. Except for this day we step away from the normal routine of going home grabbing a bud and reading the paper. To stopping and buying a case of Corona, pull out those Cohibas that Jorge the lawn guy brought home from cuba and later on eat mexican food from Chilis or Taco Bell. Once you start looking for reasons to drink you are an alcoholic. So I guess cinco de mayo is our annual celebration of alcoholism. Let me take that back, I forgot New Years, Easter,the 4th ( as some people I know call it) Thanksgiving, the day Cheney shot that guy in the face, Christmas, Birthdays, the day Bush got out of office, etc. You get the picture.

Arizona local police are going to question and detain suspected illegal immigrants. My question is how do you tell if someone is here illegally. You can't say if they don't speak english. Half the people here legally can't understand the difference between there ,their and they're. Well maybe you could say how they dress, because anyone who wears wedding dresses to the laundromat must be here illegally. If that was the case then the same should be said about anyone who wears Ugg boots when its 100 degrees outside. Also it could be said about anyone who wears those bootylicous shorts when they're 2 donuts shy of a heart attack.

The pope and his boys are still at it. I think its time for a Dateline: To Catch A Predator Choir Boys Edition. Maybe its me but its time for some changes. Move up to the times and allow your priest to get married and have relations with women. Because whats in the books right now isn't cutting it. Who knows, they might like it. But until the rules are changed block Yahoo, Aol, Facebook and Myspace from their computers. That girl in the catholic school dress that just added you as a friend is really the 68 yr old priest trolling for new church members. He thinks you need some one on one guidance.

Remember this one thing: I am better than you and there's nothing you can do about it.